Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Parking in Provo

Never has there been a place that has so many parking restrictions. Let's talk about them.

1. THE BOOT. Uglier that uggs+a miniskirt. It is a huge metal thing they put on your tire. It makes it so you can't drive your car away. Instead of towing your car (too much work for the towing companies) they immobilize you and make you stay in the spot longer. The spot that you shouldn't have been parked in in the first place! And boots make people mmmaaaddd. I've never heard of any, but I'm sure there have been several instances of physical violence towards the wonderful employees of University Parking Enforcement (who enforce ALL of Provo...not just campus, Ive come to discover). Plus, it totally makes your car look very un-cute.
Places you might get the boot: Visitor parking at any apt complex after 2AM, in front of your own house.

2. The lime green campus parking ticket. You know the one.
I don't LIKE breaking the rules. I always plan on parking in my barely-off-campus spot. But sometimes it's taken, I'm late to class and forced to improvise. And by improvise, I mean park in 1/2 hr parking. For 2 hours. Most of the time, I deserve the tickets I get. 
When it's snowing outside, you have two choices: 1. park close and get a ticket OR, 2. park far, walk through the snow, freeze, have wet pants, suffer for the rest of the day. (which for me means, Don't go to class).
I don't only deserve those tickets. I WANT them. They are a sign that I am going to class. 
But be careful...7 tickets in one year and you get the campus BAN! That's a $300 fine for just driving on campus. Even if its on the weekend. Or if you're just casually driving through to get the Del Taco on Bulldog. That's right everyone...$300. Beware.

3. TOWING. aka the worst thing that can possibly happen to you.
Let's start with a small story. Last spring I started working at a company you may have heard of...APX alarm. Well, if you thought campus parking rules were bad, you have clearly never tried parking at APX. First day of work, I go in excited. New job, good pay, hot guys...what can go wrong? I think you know where this is headed...
I parked in the lot right in front of the building, next to 4 or 5 other cars. When I came out of the building (at 10pm, mind you. A very dangerous time of night, especially for a young lady such as myself) my car was GONE. Someone had stolen my car!! Someone called KNIGHTS TOWING! Or express towing...? The confusion about the name is a whole different story. That night, it was an APX party over at the towing company as we all paid $135 to get our cars out of car jail. APX, why would you put a parking lot right by the building that no one is allowed to park in? why? Why? WHY?!?! And why would you fire me? I'm real nice.

One last driving complaint: RED LIGHTS. Provo, home of the red light. Takes 15 minutes to drive a mile because every light gets special pleasure out of turning red when there is NO ONE else in sight. And then I get special pleasure out of running these lights and then making a lot of random turns to get rid of the police that follow me.

This next story has a just takes a minute to get to it. Bear with me:
The other day I was bored so I convinced myself that I wanted to go to FIDM in Orange county after I graduate so that I can follow my dream of being a buyer for a big fancy department store. I was looking at the apt complex they recommend for students there (Toscana in Irvine) and I noticed that there were TONS of parking complaints about the complex. They complained about having to have a parking sticker. Are you kidding me? Don't complain to me about your stupid little problems. What complex DOESN'T require a sticker? 

Provo is worse. We win.

We were all once bright-eyed, optimistic freshmen. But these parking policies have turned us into hardened criminal 5th year seniors with black hearts and a rabid need to park close to our classes. I, personally, am scarred.

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